Loved

Two nights ago, while sipping peppermint hot chocolate and a mocha latte at Starbucks, my dear friend quietly handed me one of those gifts of a lifetime...for you Callyrose.  It was a book..lovingly crafted, hand made.

Inside, when I opened it, were pages that looked like this:

Each page, had a label of someone you will know very well, with a place to put their picture and with their name written not only in English, but also in your given language of Amharic. 

So that after we visit you, when we are forced to say goodbye for a couple of weeks or months, you will be able to look through this and get to know us.  Hopefully, someone will read the names to you in the language you can understand so you won't forget.

you are so loved.   Already.  By so many.  By all your mama's friends - who listen to me talk about you day and night, by your Daddy's co-workers where he constantly shows off your picture, by your sisters who draw your face at school during art classes, by your church who prays for you, by your neighbors who ask about you...by your grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts.  They have all poured their money, hearts and prayers into helping us get you home. 

I don't know if there is a window in your room...but if there is and you look out it at night...all those stars that you can count from that little window...are like all the prayers and love that are going up for you daily, from another side of the world.  Lights of love amidst the darkness of loneliness telling you "you belong, you belong, you belong."

Pieces of Callyrose

On Saturday, Chad and Christina brought sweet, beautiful Ruby home from Ethiopia..and they also brought precious pieces of Callyrose to us too.  They brought us pictures and stories...we learned that she is shy, but with enough coaxing, lights up with eyes bright and smiles sweet.  We discovered that she is a girlie girl who LOVED the tulle dress we sent for her - feeling it with her fingers and swaying proudly in it when put on her.  She is a bundle of cuddles who clutched the little doll, blanket and ball we sent tightly to her chest.   We have combed over the pictures they took - finding with delight that her smile mirrors that of Arabelle's.  Realizing that she is a peanut in size and stature and... that she.is.just.perfect.in.every.way.  These moments that they spent with her mean so much in an adoption world where such little information is ever given.

 Before, she was my little girl in my head and heart and by a picture sent to me from my agency.  I knew nothing about her personality, her person...just that she was ours and that we loved her.  Now, I have bits and pieces...now I can picture her smile and know that it is brought on by wearing princess dresses.  I look at her holding her baby doll tightly and can envision her sitting in our living room, with her sisters, feeding pretend babies with pretend baby bottles. 

We know that we will meet our little girl at some point...but it was such a gift to get to know her just a little.  (Thank you Chad and Christina!!)  And it caused such an ache in our hearts.  I long for her...more than I ever thought possible.  We have had no news on our paperwork.  Our agency is doing everything they can but the paperwork is just not moving forward like it should.  And so we continue to wait, pray and hope. 

This morning I read James 1 and the words leapt from the page: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."   I have read this verse many times before and I am ashamed to admit that my main thought was: "I am not sure that having my faith grow is worth going through a trial."  But the commentary I was reading made me look at this verse differently.

"Faith is tested through trials, not produced by trials. Trials reveal what faith we do have, not because God doesn’t know how much faith we have, but to make our faith evident to ourselves and those around us."  (enduringword.com)

Evident to ourselves and those around us.  I have witnessed this faith in Chad and Christina.  In Matt and Noelle.  In Ryan and Jenna.  In Keri and in Alanna...the list goes on and on.  Their faith has encouraged me and has challenged me.  And so I will keep their perseverance at the front of my mind as we wait. 

Ruby's Homecoming

Today was a day when a hundred faces widened in a smile and eyes shined a little brighter.  It's a day of Hope Fulfilled for a family...and for all the people who have been praying for Ruby to come home.  It came out of the blue - miraculously, with no explanation for the change of heart.  After being denied by the US embassy for weeks now, inexplicably, the embassy granted Ruby's parents their case..and their little girl will be home by next week.  How amazing and wondrous God is. 

So often adoption feels to me like trying to climb up the icy side of a mountain and not even knowing what the top of that mountain will bring.  You wade through paperwork and finances and fears and right when you think everything may begin to get easier, something happens that knocks the breath out of you.  And you fall down the slope and start trying to climb up again.   I took that backwards slide recently.   I thought that by now we would be meeting our little girl for the first time ...but things don't go according to my perfectly planned plan.  Our paperwork is held up at a regional judge's office somewhere in Ethiopia and so we are still waiting...and up until today I had no news as to how long we would be waiting.  I only have Callyrose's picture staring at me from my kitchen windowsill and 3 little voices asking me when their sister is coming home.

I've wanted to wallow in my disappointment and I have...but the truth is, I have too many other adoptive parents surrounding me with their own slippery slopes...and their great Faith in a God who carries us through our hurts, failed plans and seemingly uncatchable dreams.  These families are a testimony to me - Ruby's family is a testimony to me - they believe that God cares for "the fatherless" and that He can do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."  On their bleakest days, when they feel like they have no belief left in them, their faith is most evident as they are still turning to God and crying out for Him to help them hold on. 

Today, we found out that we just need this regional judge to pass our case and then it will be submitted to the Ethiopian court hopefully within the same day.  If that happens, we should be traveling two-three weeks from that point.  So maybe we will get to meet our little girl by Thanksgiving or shortly thereafter.  In the meantime, I get to send a care package to her with Ruby's parents.  And they are going to hug her and shower her with kisses and love from us.  Recently, Ruby's mom gave me a book for Callyrose.  It makes me cry everytime I read it:

Wherever You Are

I wanted you more than you will ever know,
so I sent love to follow wherever you go.

It's high as you wish it.  It's quick as an elf.
You'll never outgrow it...it stretches itself!

So climb any mountain...climb up to the sky!
My love will find you.  My love can fly!

Make a big splash! Go out on a limb!
My love will find you.  My love can swim!

It never gets lost, never fades, never ends...
if you're working...or playing...or sitting with friends.

You can dance 'til your dizzy...paint 'til your blue...
There's no place, not one, that my love can't find you.

Just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there.

In the green of the grass...in the smell of the sea...in the clouds floating by...
at the top of a tree...in the sound crickets make at the end of the day...
"You are loved.  You are loved.  You are loved," they all say.

My love is so high, and so wide, and so deep,
it's always right there, even when you're asleep.

If you're still my small babe or you're all the way grown,
my promise to you is you're never alone.

You are my angel, my darling, my star...
and my love will find you wherever you are.

-Nancy Tillman


SO thankful today for Hope Fulfilled.  For a beautiful little girl getting to come home and the light her story will bring to so many!